My Own

from by Jay Kila

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[Verse 1]
Fears of being broke wasting years on dreams and hopes
Unclear what's beneath the smoke a career or cheesy jokes
Just a low key con artist who's dodgin' the job market
A renegade with a resume that never got started
So carotid my arteries ain't been down with my artistry
And honestly no one really bargains for harmonies
The margins are slimmer now my hopes are on thinner ground
I can't take it when I wake up I'm feeling so cynical
Givin' the finger to my reflection - lingering on these questions
Am I moving somewhere new? Or back in the same direction
This a passion or profession? Forgettin' to count my blessings
Essence of imperfection escaping me every second
Every word that I write - testament to my might
But still each night my will power gets devoured by fright
Too many hours slipping by with all these doubts on my mind
If money isn't the motive then what was my alibi?

Knock me down so I can get back up
Say I can't I won't then I'll go practice
Say it's too late I'm too old it ain't worth a try
But the day I call it quits is the day that I die
Tell me no so I can find a way how
Say that it can't be done watch me do it pal
Say it's too late I'm too old it ain't meant to be
I'm a do this on my own that's my destiny

[Verse 2]
Life's tough do I have the right stuff
Promised myself many times that I'd never give up
Already changed paths before fought this internal war
About where the hell I been heading and what I was searchin' for
My self-loathing has been grown' and it's makin' me sick
All the apathy debasin' me erasing my wish
And I dunno if it's the pressure or my patience is gone
But I been waiting for a moment that's been taking too long
At the start it was hard to convince myself of the truth
That hip-hop music was something I could actually do
Now the farther I've come the more ironic it seems
Since no one cares about the music in the music industry
Just how many downloads you got what other artists you know
If you cool and smoke pot who's gonna be at your show
A lotta people they been sayin' that rappin' is easy
You believe that forget you try and be me


[Verse 3]
Go slow they tell me to go slow
They don't know what it's like to watch all of these clowns though
To see the thing you love get trampled down in the mud
Ripped apart by these thieves fiendin' tryna make a buck
I won't succumb to the dumb or give in to the ignant
I didn't pursue art to start a career in business
This isn't for the riches it's to have an impact
To bring respect back to this shit they call rap
Cuz they been takin' it from me treatin' hip hop like a joke
That picture on Page 6 in the New York Post
And I don't know but it seems like everyone's fine with the deal
To praise all of these fakes and forget about the real
I can't remember a time that it felt like this
Where no one cares about the rhyme just the belt and the kicks
Call me jealous or a hater I know one thing for sure
If I can't say what I mean then what am I rappin' for?


from Jay Misérable, released September 9, 2013



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Jay Kila New York, New York

Jay Kila is a talented young rapper who presents a ground breaking new sound based on a simple concept: honesty. A native of the Upper East Side in New York City, Kila is Half-Indian and Jewish (a Hindjew). His rapid-fire delivery and intellectual lyrics present portraits of city life as well as Kila’s struggle to find his place in society. ... more

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