Who Am I

from by Jay Kila

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There's a war going on inside my mind
A battle between me and myself who rhymes
To one - life's fine - nothing seems to be missing
As long as there's some food and a pot to piss in
The other is a fiend feeling incomplete
An MC unsatisfied with the way things be
He craves respect and acceptance
To be taken serious as a real artist
So it doesn't matter if he ditches his friends
Neglects the world even his parents
If he ain't doing work his time is wasted
Mind focused on how he'll find his place in
The history books - he's chasing greatness
With each creation he gets more impatient
Waiting to feel success's sensations
Waiting and waiting and waiting to make it
Til one day he's drinking at the bar
Thinking on the mixtape to finish tomorrow
This girl approaches him says hey what's up
Next thing you know they start fallin' in love
Now he starts questioning the meaning of stuff
Wondering what's underneath his music
If he stands for something bigger than himself
Are the rhymes just for him? Or anyone else?

Who was I then who am I now who will I be when all the lights go out
Am I my name or a person a play or rehearsal
The same way I came or the game changing version
I thought that I knew myself
But I get lost every time that the music swells
Am I the past or the present some cash or the credit
The last in the class or the facts as I said it
Tell me what I'm supposed to do someone please tell me what I'm supposed to do
I dunno anymore what I'm supposed to do I just know what I can and I'm hoping you
Understand - I am what I am if i never find myself well I'll be damned
I came into this world out of nothing and I ain't going out until I'm something

[Verse 2]
Fast forward one year later
His pen hasn't touched a single sheet of paper
His mind is fogged dreams a vapor
Sleep interrupted by nerves and shakers
He hates himself - he's become a traitor
Greatness erased by his lack of labor
And he can't escape this stagnant crater
He's doomed to indecision a massive failure
There's nowhere to turn nowhere to hide
No one understands what he feels inside
It ain't about the money it's about the music
He's lost the feeling he can even do it
Everything that he writes sounds so stupid
And he starts to blame all of it on cupid
So he curses his fate curses his girl
Curses the day he was birthed in this world
He was so naive to pursue this dream
When's he gonna grow up where's his self-esteem
The voice in his mind is playing overtime
And it won't be quiet he's crossed a line
Broke the foundation his basis shaken
Beliefs are vacant no determination
He's back at square 1 and there's a hunch
Sittin' on his shoulders that he'll never become
What he wanted to what he was supposed to be
When he set out with so much hope and glee
He's lost - there's no meaning now
He stares at his screen reading about
Other people's lives the stuff they doing.
No point in trying it's tough to move him
Was it all in his head he could make it happen?
He should get a real job and forget about rappin'


(Stay true to yourself)
(Just get the wealth)
(Say what you mean)
(Just get the cream)

I pray for the pain to go away
For the guilt and the shame to hold no weight
I ask for the strength to do what I must
Fend off the doubts the demons that I lust
The faith to believe that I will become
What I see in my dreams and I feel in my gut
Who I am I may never know
But these words within I can't withhold
I don't know anymore what I'm supposed to do
I just know what I can and I've chosen to
Keep going - where the path may lead
If I have to start over - so let it be
I'm a speak my mind stay true to myself
Mean what I rhyme use what I'm dealt
Cuz I came into this world out of nothing
And I ain't going out until I'm something



from Jay Misérable, released September 9, 2013



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Jay Kila New York, New York

Jay Kila is a talented young rapper who presents a ground breaking new sound based on a simple concept: honesty. A native of the Upper East Side in New York City, Kila is Half-Indian and Jewish (a Hindjew). His rapid-fire delivery and intellectual lyrics present portraits of city life as well as Kila’s struggle to find his place in society. ... more

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